Do you ever wonder... January 5, 2009

if things are really going the way they should be? Sometimes I think things are wonderful between Adam and I, and then other times I feel like he is just "settling" for me because I am pregnant. Sometimes I feel like my depression is taking over again and other times I try really really hard to fight it. I don't think I am winning, but I can't, FOR THE LIFE OF ME, figure out why I'm so depressed. Adam does everything in the world for me! Yeah we have our problems but WHAT relationship doesn't? What relationship is perfect? I'm sure there are plenty of things about me that just drive Adam absolutely insane, and there are some things about him that drive me NUTS, but to be very honest with myself, I love him! Quirks and all. Yeah I know from past experiences that life will go on without him...BUT I DO NOT want to go on without him!

I understand him and Tommy have their differences and a lot of the problems with them 2 is me. I baby Tommy way too much. I'm used to being the only CONSTANT adult in Tommy's life for 12 (almost 13) years, so it's hard for me to let go - even just a little bit - and accept help from someone else.

I guess there's just a lot going on in my head right now, and I'm not real sure how to express some of it. I don't know how to verbalize alot of it, so I guess this is the end of this blog until I get some of my thoughts straightened out.

I just wish sometimes that I could make sense of some of the stuff going thru my brain. I really hate that my doctors took me off all my meds because I'm pregnant. I've talked to alot of women who have been on meds and pregnant and there were no negative side effects. At my next Dr's appointment I'm going to ask them about putting me back on something, because I am SICK of feeling like this all the time!

Here is a current picture of my belly! I'm 20 weeks now. HALF WAY THROUGH! WHOO HOO!!!!!